Transcript for "Recharging - with Tracy Bedford"

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00:00.00
Craig
Hello I’m Craig Constantine welcome this is the podcaster community show short conversations that are not just about podcasting because I like to take the scenic route. Our guest today is Tracy Bedford welcome Tracy I’m excited that you’re excited i.

00:12.94
Tracy
Thanks Craig I’m so excited to be here.

00:19.77
Craig
I say this all the time I’m going to keep saying it forever as I’m always glad that people manage to punch a hole in their schedule to make time. Um, and before we started recording. We touched. We came like really close to talking about how it’s really easy and I think everybody listening would agree. It’s really easy to get busy and we all know that. Busy just for busy sake is not a good thing. Um, but it’s particularly challenging when you have a creative endeavor like podcasting and you gave me some hints that maybe your creative endeavor might include things beyond podcasting I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag. Um, and I’m just wondering how you. Um, how do you keep the I’m going to say the swings under control like 1 way to swing is just like everything’s basically a laundry to get thought is up a dude with and then the other way is like really like I’m working him at my desk nobody bother me and and I find that I swing between those 2 extremes and I’m wondering. Do you find you have that same swing and how do you I don’t want to say. Prevent it because I don’t think it can be prevented but how do you manage that if you agree with me.

01:20.40
Tracy
You know I don’t know that I manage it I kind of I know I kind of go with it and I try really not to be hard on myself when I am in 1 phase or another that and. You know, a lot of therapy. Ah.

01:42.45
Craig
I’m laughing with you about Therapy I Craig Therapy That’s that’s a thing I’ve done that.

01:44.83
Tracy
Yeah, yeah, so I really that word manage I’ve tried to throw out of my dictionary because I don’t manage anything very well. So I really just try to and this is just lately i. You know this is like probably oh gosh maybe within the last year I can’t I’ve I’m not perfect at this. But I think I’m just getting better at learning to be okay with where I’m at while still while still of course having the goals and and you know.

02:13.94
Craig
E.

02:20.86
Tracy
Getting things done that I need to get done but sometimes you know I am in times of like I should really sit down and write. You know what? those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves. So yeah.

02:30.74
Craig
You said should no shoulding on oneself I What to you have a podcast. Let’s name your show and good ahead.

02:33.13
Tracy
Right? right? ah.

02:41.80
Tracy
It’s called invisible you and it’s well I gear it towards women over 40 But I’ve actually talked to men and people under 40 who listen to it So there’s it’s It’s a lot of. Want to say like self-help Self-development. It’s not just like oh my God I’m getting gray hair Now you know right.

03:01.43
Craig
Oh bad news doesn’t show up so well in the camera. That’s why I wear headphones hide the hair. Um, first of all what episode number are you on people know what I’m going to do.

03:12.30
Tracy
Oh oh my gosh I think I’m on 24 or 25 so maybe thank you.

03:15.65
Craig
I thought you were further than that but congratulations because podcasting is a long lonely road I say this all the time because it’s really important congratulations on at that point and from what I’ve heard from a few episodes that I’ve skipped through in 1 episode I listened to thoroughly um, you’ve. I always say you’ve got it up on plane like it feels like you know what? you’re trying to share when you create an episode. Um, so mad props for that. That’s ah, a big thing. Um, but and and um, you can I had a guest 1 time on another show I asked them a hard question and they went pass. You know like it was a game show I’m like okay then and we went on something else like you can always pass. Um, but it’s been a hot minute as you put it in your room wordsd. It’s been a hot minute since you put out an episode but I think it was November um I mean obviously you can play the covid card you can say like yeah life happened but I feel like there.

03:54.43
Tracy
Ah, played this? ah.

04:07.98
Craig
You were mentioning feel like you were close to saying something more about your creative journey and I’m I’m just wondering so you kind of seem to have set podcasting down for a moment I can only hold 12 things at once and I’m wondering what your creative journey has looked like since you set down podcasting and maybe if I can guess. What’s making you want to pick it back up again because I think that’s the case.

04:30.64
Tracy
Yeah, so I started acting classes back in 2020 during during covid um, ah the acting coaches I started working with he was having in-person classes. Even once covid started and so it was one way for me to just get out of my apartment. Um, and it was another way for me to really learn to express which I have not been great at and when I say express I don’t just mean.

04:51.18
Craig
Um.

05:04.60
Tracy
Um, like writing which is what I do for my podcast because that is 1 obviously one way of expression. But I meant like verbally being seen being heard and being in front of people and being okay with maybe saying something stupid or looking stupid or feeling foolish which. You know I feel like in our society especially for women we’re we’re taught you know you need to you know, just keep your mouth shut. Be perfect looked perfect. You know put everybody first and you know we don’t really always want to hear what you have to say right now because you put your family first. Um, at least that’s how I I grew up. And and so yeah, that was my way of okay this is one of the hardest things I could ever do so this is what I’m gonna do and so I started doing doing the acting and then I started into podcasting because that was that was another way of of expression and that I felt like I have things to say um.

05:45.96
Craig
Um.

05:59.58
Tracy
Other than just I don’t Know. Um, how do I want to say that other than other than just performance I wanted to try and and support and serve people who are maybe going through some similar things as myself and so um, I. I Started down both Journeys at the same time and writing has always been very stressful for me because I have I have this perfection perfectionism. Ah right, right? ah.

06:28.60
Craig
Ah, oh my God and you took up podcasting Oh Perfectionism can’t get facious.

06:37.58
Tracy
Here I thought I was the only one and yeah.

06:37.78
Craig
Ah, no I have talked to well not 300 podcasters but I’ve talked to over a hundred podcasters. They all say exactly the same thing it’s perfectionism and audio and yeah, it’s all it’s it’s it’s vicious. It doesn’t have to be vicious. But yeah, it can quickly get vicious.

06:46.70
Tracy
C in here.

06:55.40
Tracy
No, no well well basically what I was going to say is so I’ve always struggled with that part of the podcast because I I write part of it. Um, and so I’ve always struggled with that because of the perfectionism because I want to make sure I sound right? and you know I’m I don’t know I’m.

06:55.77
Craig
Sorry I interrupted you.

07:14.50
Craig
Yes.

07:14.64
Tracy
Saying exactly what I want to say how I want to say it you know and it really took a lot of discipline to sit down and write it and rewrite it and rewrite it and rewrite it and um, so then I went through some personal like we all do personal life stuff.

07:24.23
Craig
Who.

07:34.49
Tracy
And I just felt like I didn’t know what to say anymore. There was so much going through my head and I just I didn’t know how to narrow it down into this bite size like 10 minute piece and so that’s where I’ve been for a while and i’ve.

07:46.82
Craig
Right.

07:52.82
Tracy
And since then I’ve also upped the acting part of it. So I feel like it’s just you know, depending on where I’m at I might start it up again and then I might start stop and then I might start it up again and then I might stop and and I’m trying not to be hard on myself about that and just kind of go with the flows. Of life. Um, So yeah, that’s kind of where I’ve been at. But yeah I think I’m getting ready to get back into it again now that my mind is feeling a little bit better but still, there’s that pressure right? You want it to be perfect and I I know but.

08:22.66
Craig
Yeah, but we put that on ourselves right? That’s I always I say I have I have the worst boss in the world me that the expletive deleted Never lets me have any days off if I’m caught doing anything That’s fun. Yeah, so that’s an old meme. Um, ah so.

08:30.29
Tracy
Right? so.

08:39.65
Craig
First of all, thank you for sharing because it it can be um, it can feel I mean it. It is personal but it can feel like really personal to say what you just said and not to diminish it at all. But yeah I agree 100% like that’s a very common experience that I have seen a lot of people. Um. Quietly, they kind of go this is a sight gag. They kind of go like well I don’t want to swim but I have this issue and I’m like oh yes, we all have that issue. Um, so I think it’s really helpful for other people especially because this show has a lot of podcasters who were listening to hear all of us me hear Craig say here Tracy say all these people say. Yeah, we we can get this perfectionist bit. Um, so this happens to me all the time when you’re talking I have like 1 question 37 parts trying to pick one I think I find I’m going to throw out a hypothesis that’s on top of my head and then you can laugh at me or not I find that. For me podcasting is like kryptonite because I love to be able to I’m going to say control. But it’s always attempt to control. The other person’s perception and what they’re thinking and what they are receiving in response to what I’m saying or doing or waving my hands are or or even writing um I don’t get freaked out having to like read or speak before a group of people because I can see do they like it. Do they not like it are they falling to see it I can change speeds. But as soon as I try to do a podcast especially if it’s host on Mike like I really suck at that. But in conversations like this um I have a hard time because or maybe I had a really hard time and now it’s getting easier because people are going to listen to this and I have no control of whether they’re going to go that. Guy’s a more on stop. You know, but. But wait in 2 minutes it actually gets good like to me that’s the part where the the control freak. It’s not quite right or my obsessive compulsive is not also isn’t quite right? So I’m just wondering maybe acting and maybe acting is a little easier because you can see. You know the people who are there? Maybe it’s hard again if we’re doing remote video but I’m just wondering if what your thoughts are about is maybe that why is that maybe grammar sentence words into putting why podcasting is so tough because we know that when we record the thing and chip it. It’s like we have no clue. Because people don’t respond people don’t engage.

11:01.40
Tracy
Um, I’m going to say it’s maybe a few things but ah we kind of talked a little bit about this before we started recording but podcasting can be a lonely Endeavor. And I think with like so many people now especially working from home and just you know getting out of a pandemic. We’ve isolated a lot and acting is something where I’m part of a community and I’m with people.

11:29.80
Craig
Um, and.

11:32.59
Tracy
Um, and I like you said I do get that interaction I do get the the instant feedback like oh I did something and you know it it blew or I did right? or I did something and oh my God They love it and you know that that feels that’s such a great amazing feel and then.

11:39.10
Craig
That didn’t land right.

11:50.30
Tracy
You go and you sit down to do the podcasting and because mine is host on mike is that what you say host time Mike Ah and then I am writing it myself and I am editing it myself and I am recording it myself. It’s I’m alone you know and it’s several hours you know several hours of doing this.

12:02.27
Craig
Right.

12:09.31
Tracy
Um, endeavor and so it can feel ah sometimes a little bit lonely and isolating for me. Um, So so yeah I think there’s like there’s a couple things. There is just the you know being okay with being alone. And and that’s different too right? There’s There’s being a loan and then there’s feeling lonely. Um, so so you can you can be in a room full of people and you can still feel lonely.

12:27.38
Craig
Right? yes.

12:37.21
Tracy
Um, or you can be by yourself and just be alone and be completely fine with that and so I feel like I have been going in and out of that as Well. Sometimes I’m completely fine being alone. Um and you know I think lately I’ve been feeling like you know I’m a little lonely and I need to get out I need I need to. Um, interact with people I need to be with the community but excuse me the only thing with that is that only lasts so long while you’re with the people. But then right? So Then you come back and you’re alone again? Well how do you.

13:07.63
Craig
Yeah, the recharge. Yeah.

13:14.86
Tracy
Feel are you still lonely again and so you’re almost like giving your power away to other people to make you feel like you’re a part of something and you really it has to come from within right? like you have to just be okay with being by yourself with yourself. No distractions and you know.

13:23.98
Craig
M.

13:32.36
Tracy
There’s another podcaster Tom Billiew and he always says you know how do you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself and sometimes I don’t feel great and I need to just get out and be with other people and it’s great for to have other people lift me up and being a community and and acting and things like that they’re so well warm and welcoming and.

13:51.80
Craig
Ray.

13:51.91
Tracy
You know they make you can make you feel so good. Um, but then you come back and you want to sit down and you run a write and you want to create and that’s the time where how do you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself. Ah.

14:04.70
Craig
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

14:09.27
Tracy
And so yeah, I’ve kind of been going through that right now and just learning to be okay with myself and kind of loving on myself and having self-compassion like you’re okay, it’s good. Everything’s good. Just just do your thing and keep going and you’re going to have feelings where you’re like I I hate life right now and I don’t want to do this. But you’re just going to keep swimming right? Just like Dorie said.

14:28.22
Craig
Yeah, what are are there other things that you go to so the whole introversion versus etch. Yeah introversion versus extroversion. Faux Dichotomy is what I was trying to say it’s not really a simple you know spectrum one way to the other. Um, but I like to think about um I’ll ask someone like what do you do to recharge and you and I are both here talking about interacting with other people to recharge and that’s true depending on.

14:44.75
Tracy
Yeah.

15:03.97
Craig
Um, who those people are and it’s you know, not not just I’m at the mall. Oh remember those days just think I just dated the 2 of us. Um, you know, but like to be in a crowd that may not be the least bit energizing like at a large like go to the supermarket. This is not energizing. Um. Non sequitur does your supermarket have this little robot now that wanders around in the aisles. My local supermarket has this stupid thing. It’s like a giant six foot tall robot that occupies 2 by 2 on the floor and it wanders around looking for spills. It doesn’t do anything but get in the way i’ sorry I haven’t been to the market much i’ like what’s this random.

15:34.85
Tracy
No, that’s creepy.

15:39.88
Craig
Random Robot I’m like trying to set things on the floor to block it in… It was really weird. Um, sorry So what do you actually think are the types of things that recharge you so like I’m wondering is the acting class really special like is there something magical about that microcommunity itself or is it. Ah, could you also recharge you know at um I don’t know any other like at a cafe um or does it have to be a specific set of people or do you also recharge by forest bathing or going for walks like what are the things that that call to you to recharge and how do they differ or how are they like that acting community.

16:16.27
Tracy
Yeah, so there’s a ah couple different things I I love the acting community and I just you know I just love acting like I love everything about it. I’m so unbelievably passionate about it and I didn’t start until you know like. Like I said about two years ago and I’m 47 now. So I started at 45 so I’m not like a spring chicken. Um, but I just love everything about it and I think just not only being in the community and being around them but just working on. It is really recharging to me. Um. But aside from being with people I mean yeah, going taking walks being in nature watching the animals play at springtime so things are like you know renewing and recharging and I love all that rebirth you know watching the the.

17:02.45
Craig
Yeah.

17:08.70
Tracy
Ducks and the the little baby ducks and the goslings and all that. So I love all that um reading is a big one listening to podcasts you know, just motivational type podcasts I’ve been listening to um and I’m not super religious but I’ve been listening to Joel Olstein lately

17:23.86
Craig
Um.

17:25.96
Tracy
And you know I kind of he puts in the word god and I put in the word universe or you know whatever you want to whatever you want, but his messages are so frickin inspiring that you can just like turn 1 on and he’s just like you know, be happy with you. You know sometimes you just need that.

17:31.58
Craig
Right.

17:44.55
Tracy
Ah, right right? I love myself. Um that and you know all the things like journaling if you need to do that I haven’t done it in a while but definitely walks definitely therapy Holy crap.

17:44.77
Craig
Slap the headphones off. That’s awesome. Slap your headphones off and go do you know, save the world all right? yeah.

18:01.62
Tracy
Therapy Therapy therapy. But.

18:02.31
Craig
The best therapy session I ever have is the time I put my therapist to sleep like the person opposite me on a video call and I actually saw him doze off and I’m like okay I’m not taking that as like dude, you’re not doing your job I took that as Wow I talked too much like just it was a.

18:05.87
Tracy
Oh my gosh.

18:15.57
Tracy
Ah ha ha.

18:19.75
Craig
Beautiful objective feedback. Not a criticism of the person that I was talking to um, no, no, no, no, this was this so a professional person in a professional setting and definitely did not just eat hadn’t just gotten up. It was totally my fault. Um I was it good I Think it’s a good moment. But yeah, um.

18:23.53
Tracy
Yeah, he probably just had a big meal and needed to sleep it up. Ah gosh Wow. Ah.

18:39.72
Craig
So I haven’t lost mental sight of the things that you were that you were laying out there that you the picture you were painting. Um, and I’m going to say yes plus one yes and to all those those are the things that I go to as well and the thought that I’m having is I have experimented with not like I took notes and have lab notebooks. But. I have tried should I listen to podcasts when I have no other technology available just to pick an example of one of the things you mentioned listening to the podcast I’ve tried to listen to them when I have no tech available and I’ve tried to listen to them when I have like my computer or notes paper and pen and I find. And this is also true for the other things if I go for a walk with someone as opposed to sitting around. You know where I have tools available I find that being um, alone or isolated with the thing that recharges me when there’s no chance for the other Distractions works way better I used to be Afraid. I’m going to listen to this awesome podcast by rich role and then I’m going to have wasted my time because I didn’t get chance to take notes or I didn’t write down the the guests name. It’s like no when I find things that really recharge me being um, self isolated with them really makes like Magnifies the power. Um, and I’m just wondering if if you’ve noticed that if you if you’re like do you try to do that. Um to yourself on purpose or what are your thoughts on because we were talking before about being alone versus being Lonely I think those closely related.

20:06.76
Tracy
Yeah I think yeah and I think um like to what you were saying. It’s really just being present and focusing only on that one thing and I think it’s kind of a meditative experience. I Know you know? yeah. You hear all the time we’ll sit down and meditate and I have a very challenging time with that. But I’m telling you when it’s just me and like um I don’t know someone else’s voice coming into my ears and I’m just focusing on that.

20:36.83
Craig
Um.

20:40.52
Tracy
My mind just starts to go in other places and wander and I do start to get like ideas or you know thoughts that maybe I I wouldn’t have had if I was with someone else a and just like talking or B you know washing the dishes vacuuming. You know, straightening up while trying to listen while having music on in the background. You know you know so which which I have done I mean when I want to distract hey I can do it? um.

21:05.68
Craig
Me too.

21:08.44
Tracy
Yeah, yeah, so that’s a big one. Yeah I think is just being present and being focused on whatever it is that you choose to be within that moment. Um to try and just have that that time to yourself where you just need to go inside and it doesn’t always look like just you know sitting with your. You know your your Palms up and um, sometimes it is just right. It’s reading a book or you know listening to a podcast or listening to an audible book and you know I get a lot of inspiration from that.

21:29.15
Craig
The incense right.

21:43.15
Craig
Terrific as much as I always hate to see it. That’s probably a good place for us to stop today. It doesn’t have to be our only conversation. But thank you so much for taking the time to join me today Tracy it was a pleasure to get a chance to finally talk to you in person. Thank you.

21:55.43
Tracy
Yeah, this was great. Thank you so much. Craig.