Transcript for "Empathy - with Scott Perry"

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00:00.00 podcomm October Twenty Eighth Scott Perry Hello I’m Craig Constantine Scott Thanks for jumping in it I I never get tired of saying the people. Thanks really for taking the generous leap. Um.

00:04.41 Scott Perry Hey Craig Scott Perry here.

00:17.99 podcomm Really I try to be mindful of people don’t really know me that well and they just kind of assume that podcasts are going to do nice things so I know it it takes ah a bit of effort to so like say yeah I’m in for a recording it takes effort to punch a hole in your schedule. Especially with somebody I I can see some of the books on your bookshelf and less is more so I do appreciate you taking the time having said all that I love to talk about all kinds of things but in this show I love to talk about podcasting and I know. You’ve done. Um I First met you in single place I’ve ever met you as inside akimbo courses and I know you’ve taken a lot of different courses I don’t mean that in a negative way and I’ve seen you writing I’ve seen you in podcasting. So I know that you have a passion for creating content and sharing message. So. I’m thinking can you tell me about how you see podcasting fitting in to all the different ways that you create.

01:16.73 Scott Perry Sure. Well first. Thank you for having me. It’s I this is also an investment of your valuable time and attention and I appreciate you taking a chance on bringing me onto the broadcast and I really appreciate the work that you do i. Some of our mutual friends have been on the show and have said really really wonderful things about both you and and what you’re building here. So I appreciate the difference you’re making. Um, yeah, so the the only akimbo course I’ve ever officially taken.

01:38.74 podcomm Well thank you.

01:50.99 Scott Perry Um, is the marketing seminar after that I became a coach in a kimbo and so I’ve taken a lot of been in a lot of courses almost every course in akimbo I’ve had some connection to including the podcast fellowship and. Podcasting was something I did right out of the ltmba in 2016 as a way of making sense of what I was building I. Entered the allnba thinking I was going to take my very successful brick and Mortar Guitar Studio and turn it into an online empire that would earn me money in my sleep I Exited the lnba not even knowing like knowing I didn’t want to be a musician or a guitar teacher anymore but not really knowing what I wanted to do and. It was this. It was me on Camera you know, having conversations with interesting inspiring people. You know that were sharing their insights in how they were making a difference in the world and how they built what they had built and how they were advancing that really helped me. As a wayfinding tool to find my way into the purpose you know of my brand which is called Creative on purpose.

03:07.20 podcomm I love that you bring up the creative interesting conversations. That’s my I think I’m addicted to it. It’s got to be a dopamine thing I just love like having those engaging conversations. And I think this is I’m I’m wondering what your thoughts are on this I think that it’s so fundamentally different to have a conversation with someone else as opposed to trying to think it through or like oh I’ll write it out or I’ll read about it and I’ll make it outline and. Um, a lot of I don’t know a lot but there’s a significant part of the magic in the akimbo courses which is um I I showed up with my podcast all preform. They’ve been podcasting for like 2 years but I was expecting and I got a whole bunch of conversations and yes, sometimes they’re digital and we’re typing to each other. But. That other mind either in real time or near serial real time. There’s just magic in that and I’m wondering if you’ve ever like how how did you take that lesson I’m so you’re nodding along I’m assuming you agree. How do you take that lesson of using that other person and the serendipity. How do you take that to your clients like within creative on purpose.

04:20.13 Scott Perry That’s a great question. Yeah, well you pointed to something that I think is the magic of akimbo which is you know the workshops connect you with content and with you know, Seth and other instructors provocative. Perspectives and counterintuitive insights and empathetically provocative ideas and and then you connect with the community and through conversation you. Unpack your assertions you test them in the wild you start to apply whatever principles or ideas you just learned about to whatever your whatever endeavor you’re there to to level up in and you know that’s.

05:01.67 podcomm And.

05:14.33 Scott Perry Really really powerful because we can’t like I can see what you don’t see and I can shine a light and say hey craig you you know here’s what I heard you say had you thought about it this way or here’s what I heard you say did I get that right? and you say well no, you didn’t get it right? You know which which is did I.

05:17.85 podcomm Right.

05:28.90 podcomm No, but yeah, it’s different.

05:32.75 Scott Perry Did I say it wrong or are you just an idiot I mean so there’s all these things that we can you know?? ah these connections and collisions and conversations help us arrive at clear articulations of our vision of our goals of our strategy and. And that’s fantastic and yes, writing is a very different way of of unpacking and and clarifying ideas and that’s ah, a means that I use as well and I found I have found that blogging and broadcasting are just so simpatico.

06:10.15 podcomm Um.

06:11.72 Scott Perry Like a broad a conversation and a broadcast gives me fodder for unpacking an idea deeper in a blog and and ah something I just wrote about in a blog will come up in a conversation and to your point what happens in this in this is that you and I are both here like we’re actually here.

06:17.97 podcomm Definitely.

06:31.49 Scott Perry We’re present and in the here and now we are and we have no script and we don’t know what’s going to happen and you’re going to say something and you know there may be the tension of a pregnant pause. But at some point you know I’m going to to have to respond. It’s call in response response and Call. Um, I Just think it’s It’s a great exercise in becoming a more empathetic, compassionate caring concern considerate human being to engage in conversations like this.

07:02.10 podcomm Yes I would I’m just nodding go on vigorously this is audio only. But yes, absolutely um, your you’ve mentioned empathy more than once and that’s a big. Um. And say a big part of like my personal journey but it took me a long time to like realize that that was something that I wasn’t good at and then to like to work on and and I I think in hindsight yeah I needed to figure all that out before I could begin to write you know certain ah way of writing within blogging I couldn’t communicate until I understood empathy and then i. Made something you work on forever. But like there’s just magic that happens when 2 people show up and do like the dance of empathic empathic understanding or or attempting to understand each other. Um, so you mentioned coming out of alt mba. And we kind of skipped over the part where how did you get from I’m going to say not knowing what you want to do next to I’m going to say having a pretty clear guide star to to what you wanted to do and then of course then there’s brand you know Brand creation. All that stuff. But. How did you find your guide star after alltmba when you realized so empathic communication but I don’t know what I want to do with that.

08:22.67 Scott Perry Yeah, well I love what you said about empathy because that was um, you know we discuss it in the lnba obviously but in the marketing seminar that was like my big takeaway as a student in the first marketing seminar was. Didn’t know what the hell empathy really was and I would ask people like can you tell me what empathy is and they would tell me and I would say that doesn’t sound like empathy and so literally my wife and I spent a year we go for a walk every day and we spent a year on our walk talking about empathy and she was in the same boat. She’s like you know I don’t think. You know would read things and watch videos and all this and what I find you know and like you I discovered like actually you you know you think you’re a good guy but your your empathy quotient is very low and so there was a i.

08:58.29 podcomm Um.

09:08.37 podcomm Yeah I’m I’m tone deaf or yeah, yes.

09:16.78 Scott Perry I Remember doing the practice of finding the good in others I don’t know if you remember that from all timeba but you find catch some okay well, there’s this exercise where you catch someone doing something good. You tell them what you saw and you thank them for it and I so.

09:20.18 podcomm I Didn’t do that I didn’t actually do the altnba. But.

09:33.50 Scott Perry But I had a daily discipline of doing that at least 3 times a day every day and that was part of my that was part of my empathy practice and where I arrived at is empathy is really hard. It requires a lot of effort to put your to see here and understand someone for where they are.

09:46.31 podcomm Yeah.

09:53.35 Scott Perry Um, and all the the tension of you know, also wanting to be somewhere else and having obstacles many of them self-imposed. But I think oftentimes empathy is conflated with compassion and compassion is.

10:02.91 podcomm Um.

10:12.62 Scott Perry I Think it’s on this. It’s It’s the next natural step. So you know there’s pity I feel sorry for you. There’s sympathy like I can sympathize with your situation. There’s empathy I see here and understand and can feel what you feel and then there’s compassion I am now going to do something about it and.

10:30.15 podcomm Motivated right to action.

10:31.75 Scott Perry Compassion is an action empathy is an effort compassion The you know the effort of empathy when it leads to the action of compassion goes from an exhausting exercise and trying to really deeply understand someone’s you know, point of view or way of being to. Helping them get from where they are to where they want to be because if you’re doing that with and for the right people it becomes a ah reciprocal thing you’re putting out energy and helping them but they’re they’re returning that because you’re seeing progress being made in real-time and they are you know, hopefully grateful and and respectful and all that sort of thing.

10:56.73 podcomm Ah.

11:07.54 Scott Perry So I completely didn’t answer your actual question but the empathy compassion thing is good.

11:10.00 podcomm No, but you’re on an awesome thread. So I’m I’m going. Okay that makes me decide from yes, please more of that everybody listening whole world that creed you’ve just created in my mind a story or a track of like working on empathy and then you’re. Describing how now in hindsight we can see compassion is what you what we would like to do with that So I’m guessing. You’re going to say that the creation of creative on purpose is you trying to be efficacious like all right I want to I want to like weaponize compassion I Want to deploy this as a teachable. Executable thing that I can repeat over and over So I’m guessing. That’s where that vehicle you know the vehicle serves that purpose.

11:53.41 Scott Perry Yeah, no, you’re you’re spot on I mean you know this was again. This was I spent 2 and a half 3 years in the wilderness trying to figure out trying to find that nors star that you were talking about and you know I think I you know I spent a lot of my time doing what a lot of other people. Do. Which is I’m looking for a map just show me, show me the way and I’ll like and ah, show me the road and I’ll follow the road and the thing is your endeavor the difference only you can make is there’s no map because it’s it’s your journey It’s not the journeys of other people that have come before you they can inform and inspire your journey. But.

12:13.37 podcomm Um, yes.

12:31.91 Scott Perry But you actually need is a compass and you need to look build and learn how to use a compass so that you can find your way and leverage your values your skills and talents and find the people that share your values and need your talents to enhance their lives and that.

12:32.63 podcomm Um, yeah.

12:51.34 Scott Perry Compass that I just laid out in like a 3 circle venn diagram that the center of that is the difference only you can make the place where you can lean in and build an offer done with and for the right people and so.

12:57.94 podcomm M.

13:07.82 Scott Perry You know, creative on purpose. We have all sorts of maxims some of them are stolen from Stoic philosophy some of them are of my own creation. But we talk a lot about living your legacy you enhance your life most through endeavors that serve others the difference only you can make I mean this is this is where I arrived is my.

13:20.38 podcomm Ah.

13:26.99 Scott Perry Goal with whatever time I have left is that to help more people find fulfillment identity and meaning doing engaged in the difference only they can make and doing that work within four people that provide them with you know, a sense of belonging worthiness fulfillment.

13:44.18 podcomm Um.

13:46.36 Scott Perry And I teach them to do that by taking you know 3 years of wandering around in the wilderness but coming up with processes having conversations and you know tapping into the wisdom ancient wisdom of of philosophical and spiritual traditions but also. You know what current thinkers and influencers are talking about and crafting what I think are very simple, easy simple processes that are easies to weave in the life that you’re already living but they’re you know, Simple is not easy.

14:23.74 podcomm Right.

14:25.10 Scott Perry Like it’s simple. It’s simple to understand but it’s hard to execute because we tend to stay in our ruts. We stay in our lane. We tend to do things just the way we did yesterday and so in this effort of making a difference. You have to be always exploring the edges of your understanding and ability trying things that might not work. You know doing work with and for other people and you know with I don’t know if you’ve noticed but people are fascinating, not everybody understands what your intentions are what your motivations are what your aspirations are so. Um, so you know it looks a lot like coaching. It looks like like consulting. We have our own community called the difference maker community and so it’s just ah, we’re we’re helping people define develop and deliver the difference only they can make and in that way creative on purpose isn’t. Making a huge difference in the world all by ourselves but we are helping other people make the difference only they can make and they will help others and so we’re creating these ripples of influence out into the world.

15:29.48 podcomm So there’s like 12 things there that I need to amplify so instead of just trying to rattle them all off I’ll just say yes more of that in particular I love um the metaphor of like the map is not the territory or the map is not reality and. Yes, in the beginning everybody is myself, especially you know like somebody give me a map like 1 of my like just stop talking and tell me what I did that was wrong or you know how can I do it right in the future and and so there’s that whole first meta lesson about figuring out that you need to build your own Map. Um. And there are some some books that I’ve read that are like yeah that’s a great book I wish I had found that 1 like 20 years sooner and then I wonder like well if I’d read it 20 years ago what it is that whole it has to be a journey. It has to be everybody’s own journey. Um, and I’m thinking are there I’m a. I would consider myself a practicing stoic with a capital s I have read all sorts of tons of I have multiple copies of aurellus’s stuff that are dog-eared and falling apart and all that stuff. Um, and I’m wondering if people are like about to slap their headphones and like run out and do something like oh my god I’m Motivated. Um. Is there something that we can I mean like I think we’ve left them with some open questions like the gratitude practice is an excellent 1 I have a whole story which I want to unpack which is like yes I discovered that the hard way and it worked really well for me so like is that a good like step zero to start with something like that or does it. Almost always they need to have a guide or like is there a book that you would point to or what are your thoughts on you know what should somebody do immediately after listening to this if they’re really thinking ooh that is really scratching my curiosity.

17:15.46 Scott Perry Well, yeah I think number 1 you’ve already pointed to gratitude, gratitude, gratitude and generosity are the the 2 easiest things that you can do that will give you the biggest return on investment in terms of boosting your mood and so you know if. If you don’t have a gratitude practice just waking up every morning and and writing down 3 simple Everyday conveniences experiences that you’re grateful for yeah if you will immediately start your day right to do something generous every day. Um.

17:44.39 podcomm The the powers on you write that down right.

17:54.71 Scott Perry You know that that practice of finding the good and others that I shared earlier is a great 1 because you’re making you’re expressing your gratitude for the generosity of another person and that’s a very generous thing if the idea of defining developing and delivering the difference only you can make. Sounds interesting to you. You can avoid 3 years in the howling wilderness trying to do it yourself and if you go to creative on purpose and sign up for the newsletter I will give you a copy of the handbook and you’re welcome to to use that to Map. You know to as a compass to find your own way. And of course you know we have other programs that are available for people that are ready to take a bolder step into possibility and trust themselves enough to invest in themselves to you know more efficiently get into making a bigger difference within four other people and. Marcus aurelius’s meditations is a phenomenal handbook for anyone that is looking for aphorisms maxims for just reminders. Of what it means to be a person of intention and integrity of service to other people and stoicism is a philosophy that promises that you can actually be engaged in the world which I don’t know if you’ve noticed is a mess and.

19:26.45 podcomm Um.

19:29.28 Scott Perry You can engage with other people who are fascinating and you can experience greater equanimity and joy every day by developing the content of your character by building your virtue by being generous and doing your work within for right people and just doing that word. Work with greater and intention and integrity and I think marcus marcus has been my mentor since I was in the seventh grade which was just a few years after Marcus passed away. So I I’ve been reading Marcus for a long time.

19:59.12 podcomm Case anybody doesn’t know Marcus aurelius was an emperor 2000 years ago that’s good um well ah Scott thank you so much. Um. As much as I hate to say it like we need to stop somewhere and I think this is a great place. Um, at this point if people’s ears are ringing with awesome ideas. Please go take action. Please look up scott and it was my distinct pleasure to get ahead have like have twenty minutes of you all to myself. Thanks so much.

20:29.51 Scott Perry It was a privilege. Thanks.