Transcript for "Circumspection - with Carole Blueweiss"

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00:00.00 podcomm Hello I’m craig constantonine hi carol thanks for joining me. Um I’ve seen you on a whole pile of zoom calls right over the years um and looks to me like you are now in your fancyanancy new soundbooth even I don’t have a soundbooth but.

00:02.00 carole Hi craig.

00:18.41 podcomm Mad Props on I’ve got to say getting addicted enough to it to like all right. That’s it I’m rearranging this room and I’m putting foam on the walls and stuff. Um and I think that speaks to from what I’ve seen your curiosity to find like Okay, what’s the simplest thing that could possibly work here and then.

00:23.86 carole The.

00:34.86 podcomm When things start to annoy you you kind of figure out all right. It’s time to go figure that out and I think that’s a really good attitude and I I always want to say I’ve seen you but I actually I’ve heard you also do that in in like what you’re doing with how you assemble your episodes and how you edit um. That being said, we were talking beforehand and you mentioned 1 year so congrats on that I as I could do my my Foley the crowd goes wild. Um I know how heart I have into the mic I always think it’s I really think it’s important to recognize.

00:56.39 carole Ah, thank you? Thank you? Thank you? I’m bowing.

01:10.78 podcomm When I see other podcast creators. You know they’re like oh I just finished episode 10 I’m like that’s awesome like yes, like and I don’t mean it sarcastically because as you know it’s like a lonely world right? You’re all by yourself. So 1 year anniversary we were talking beforehand about host on mike and I’m going to say some experimenting that you’ve chosen to do so 1 of the things I asked you beforehand was and so this is the question is. Do you um, did you choose to write out like how did you decide what you wanted to say in your 1 year anniversary wrap up Rollup host on mike episode. How did you decide what you want to say and how did you go through creating the the actual recording.

01:53.60 carole Yeah, so thanks for asking because it’s I’ve been so reflective over this process and it is a process that I have just begun usually I have ah interviews and I’m 1 of those who just does 1 a month so I do you know. I have 1 year anniversary and I have 12 episodes eleven of which have been published so I’m very proud of that even though it’s it’s not but.

02:16.10 podcomm Um, that’s yeah, that’s way Beyond pod fade um yes I think the year my personal opinion still doing it. A year later is even more impressive than whatever particular number of people can get to because there’s a lot of different levels of work and I know that the ones that you added are not easy but I interrupted you sorry keep going about.

02:33.71 carole No, that’s okay so yeah, this is all ah you know a learning process. So um, the idea of of talking without talking to somebody is is just been very mind blowing I didn’t think it was could be as hard as it is um so when I was.

02:35.92 podcomm Your anniversary.

02:53.51 carole Writing out what I wanted to say for my little 1 year anniversary episode that I wanted to be about five minutes um well yeah, it sounded not like I wanted it to sound um and so i.

03:06.61 podcomm Um, I’m laughing right along with you. It’s hard.

03:10.58 carole I Did it again and I did it again and I did it again and just not quite there and um I decided to just crinkle up the pieces of paper and just talk and that’s. Where I’m at right now I have not pushed the publish button I am still needing to get feedback from my um, my supporters that help me now and then with giving me a heads up thumbs up I should say or thumbs Down. So ah, but ah.

03:40.60 podcomm Right.

03:46.81 carole So It was an interesting um, interesting process I’m I’m very interested in exploring the different ways that that I can communicate and um, exploring my voice I just did a workshop about voice and I realized that there’s so much. There that can be explored. Um but what it comes down to is basically that when when I talk it’ll hopefully come Out. You know good enough. You know.

04:13.13 podcomm Yes, how do you? How does 1 fake authenticity and and at first I I thought well before I ever tried to do any host on mike I was like oh har can this be I talk all the time turns out, it’s really hard but then I started to pay attention to.

04:28.41 carole Yeah.

04:32.78 podcomm If you’ve seen comedians or so or singers or bands perform live I start to think oh wait a minute. How do they do this because you know I’m trying to think about like um I saw Harry konick junior 1 time live in concert if you ever get the chance do that and and he almost like.

04:51.32 carole To.

04:52.12 podcomm He’s having fun or is he you know like can it be that you could really totally fake it or do you at some level need to just be super passionate about what you’re doing and then all right. It’s night seventy five I have to psych myself up to get into the space. But then. Ah, so I think that there is a space that you can get into that 1 can get into and then from there when you speak extemporaneously, maybe with some bullet notes or you’ve just read the thing enough times that the bullets are in your head. Then when you speak extempaneously, you’re you’re actually performing. It’s really fake. It’s not actually off the cuff. You’re delivering the ideas that you know you want to deliver but they’re like played through the the Craig player piano. So it’s like wow it sounds really awesome and do it. It’s like wait. It sounds exactly the same so is that authentic or not and that.

05:36.43 carole Her her. Yeah.

05:42.33 podcomm That to me is the the hard part you know like if it’s completely authentic then it’s a twenty minute ramble for me. Um, yeah.

05:48.92 carole Um, yeah, yeah, So ah I found that it was actually ah authentic because it was I did it once without notes and I had to focus so much it had to be authentic otherwise I would have Frozen. So I just kept going with how I was feeling and talking and trying not to think too much and then when I listened to it I was like Wow that that’s a different voice than than reading that that I dig I I Dug deep and I feel like my voice. It was very Interesting. My my voice.

06:21.29 podcomm Right.

06:27.78 carole Says that you know it definitely? Ah I hear I heard myself in a way that was different and it’s more my interview voice my question voice but certainly not my prepare a speech voice and definitely not my welcome to wisdom shared where parents are the experts. I Even took that out because it just sounds so stilted that to me.

06:50.18 podcomm Yeah, there’s you strike me as someone who’s I’m going to say particular about language I don’t mean like you know a grammar fanatic but and I I find and I’m the same way I find that when I’m just speaking off the cuff. The act of making sure that I you know words into the correct sentences order put that like my mind will stop and go no, That’s not that’s not Grammar. You have to and I wind up running multiple trains of thought I’m running 1 train of thought like am I using the English language properly. Is a complete like waste of mental energy when all I’m trying to if all I’m trying to do is I just did. It is be authentic and I’m just wondering have you ever? um, played with that like thought about in ah in an interview or conversation setting where you know where you have some questions in mind how much effort are you putting into.

07:26.58 carole Ha.

07:42.70 podcomm Coming across sounding sane and how much effort are you putting into engaging in the conversation. There’s that balance in a conversation then there’s also a similar balance I think in host on Mike like how much energy you’re putting into sounding sane and normal and how much energy are you putting into connecting.

07:59.14 carole Well ah to be honest, my what I’ve come to is that I Well I I do not at all think about Grammar I My goal is just to be completely myself I’ve um, decided that that’s the way it’s gonna.

07:59.21 podcomm Have you thought about that balance.

08:18.72 carole Succeed for myself is is to trust that whatever I have in me extemporaneously in a form of connection. Always and also remembering who is my audience those are the things I have in my mind other than that. How I say what? I say just comes from somewhere deep down and it doesn’t come from my my my yeah well everything comes from your brain but it doesn’t come from me thinking. So I try to put my feeling self into it more than my thinking self which is a challenge for me because I have multiple degrees and i’ve. Been raised to please the teacher and write this way and think this way and do it the right answer and get a good grade so that’s 1 reason I find podcasting so liberating is that I can just be myself and realize that and this is what I see in other podcasts. The ones that. Where people are really themselves with their mistakes and with the messiness I appreciate that I find that much more engaging than than perfect. Um, yeah and I like that so I give myself permission to be human and.

09:23.39 podcomm Yeah, it’s human right.

09:31.32 carole In saying that I wanted to say 1 more thing which um was that I Forget. Ah, but um, oh yeah, I wanted to also um, share my 1 little bit of a conundrum is that? yeah. When I interview these in my my podcast is called Wisdom shared and I interview parents of children with special needs and it’s sort of morphed into a little bit of a wider um parental um, subject of just children who are unique and extraordinary and.

10:04.28 podcomm Move.

10:08.30 carole Ah, which are most children and I know always who my audience is and why I’m asking the questions and that’s my guide but when I did my host on Mike I couldn’t help but ask myself like who am I doing this for because I’m talking about my reflection. And is that for myself or is that for my audience and every day it sort of changes and I haven’t published it yet and and I have decided that it’s It’s worth putting out there. It will be published. And I guess it’s a combination of both and I have the assumption that what I have to say in my reflection is going to be moving and interesting and ah have a connection of sorts with my listeners. That’s my hope. So. So even though I’m I’m. I am talking about my feelings and my thoughts I’m going to go with the assumption that that’s interesting to somebody else and that’s a whole different way of um, for myself being in the world because I usually go go to others for for their expertise and I I shy away From. My own opinions.

11:21.95 podcomm That’s that’s a great observation about the difference and who’s it for people can’t see but I’m writing frantically um and you will all just have to wait I finished writing that phrase. Um the observation about who it’s for is that it beat that. Different for the 2 different kinds of things that you’ve created so far. Um, yeah, that’s that’s a really astute observation I think um, I’m guessing you know I don’t know if m a listens to this show hi Mom actually my mom doesn’t my mom does not listen to the show I can guarantee it um because you to ask me how to listen to podcasts. But anyway um.

11:56.64 carole Yeah, same here same here.

12:00.76 podcomm Everybody else is thinking oh come on carol you got to tell us some of your observations and some of your reflections from 1 year of a podcasting you don’t think of me the whole five I I would love to have the whole five minute um host on mike episode. You know said right? now but give me some of the reflections you have from 1 year

12:15.29 carole Um, well yeah, so um, I you know and I I’m not really using my ah left brain so much if I were I would I would be able to just list all the things I’ve learned and who said what because I’ve only had twelve guests but I just. Didn’t want to either do the work or I thought might that might be boring so I just in general felt like what did I learn and I learned so much so what did I learn from these parents as a summary and what I learned was not in order. But. You know some ideas that might be cliche which is another fear of mine that but nevertheless it was what I learned that we are all more similar than different and it’s worth saying that because a lot of these parents struggle with being. Sort of put in a ah category other than what’s considered normal and what I realized is you know First of all normal is overrated and that there is no such thing as normal and those are all cliches but the truth of the matter is that it’s true. So I felt like there’s like this microcosm. Of a reality that no 1 really talks about that has come out through these parents who have children with special needs. There’s this whole humanity. That’s very universal and I didn’t actually say this in my reflection. But maybe if I did a part 2 reflection. Yeah, exactly.

13:48.63 podcomm Version Nine right.

13:53.44 carole But I’ll say it now and now it’s out there. Ah that you know there’s um, there’s so much that carries over for everybody even though I have a very specific audience and a very specific subject and that’s to me what has been the most fascinating is the universal themes that have come out. From these parents who I am asking about their experience and I talk about you know why did I choose this particular population I I Explained how my podcast got started which was I was at a training and. At the training instead of there being a majority of people who are professionals like myself because I’m a physical therapist in this training they were actually parents of the children with special needs. The training was to to learn how to work in a specific way. The notpanal method. Way of working with children and they all told this we all told why we were there in our stories and I was I was crying hearing their stories but I wasn’t crying because they were sad stories I was crying because they were remarkable stories and I was just kind of blown away by Wow, you know. This all goes behind closed doors I mean what do I know I have a neurotypical teenager I work with with people with all kinds of diagnosises. But how. How much do I actually know really what’s going on at home and and all the deep stuff and the hard stuff and the day-to-day stuff and um so I felt like there are all these stories there were over 100 parents there from all over the world and I I knew that that there were there was this this this story.

15:18.28 podcomm Right.

15:36.30 carole That needed to be told and then I actually did little things but nothing you know I just I had it in my mind I got to know them more and more and I was like oh this so needs to be out there for others. It needs to be shared and then Covid happened literally my my private practice went on Hiatus and.

15:44.23 podcomm Um, needs to be shared right.

15:55.16 carole I chose to use my time to sign up for Seth godin’s podcast workshop and start with these families to interview them and and finally let’s see if this can um, can can be a way to share stories so that other families going through Similar. Ah. Experiences can learn from the other families as opposed to asking the doctors who you know when it comes to chronic conditions. Medicine is limited and the idea that these kids are even sick is questionable. They’re just different. And that’s just a whole different way of looking at the world and then I you know, maybe ah season 2 or season 3 I’ll start talking about the pw word the politics of of disability and ability and ableism and our society because it it. So much reflects all the isms that we do talk about but very little do I hear the media or anybody talking about disability and I want to say 1 more thing for sure before we run out of time is that I do reflect on this idea that. The irony of it all is that if we are lucky enough to live long enough. We will all have a disability and call it what you may whether it’s the hearing or the vision or the Balance. We’re going to have. Deficits we’re gonna need help. We’re gonna need to rely on other people we’re gonna need adjustments and what do you call Ah accommodations exactly accommodations and those words are just usually just left for specific. You know, poor poor you know kids that aren’t or people that.

17:34.82 podcomm Accommodations or.

17:45.54 carole You know or their poor wheelchairs and all that and so um, but it’s really all of us. So this this population I didn’t expect this to be because I’m trying to just go in there letting them speak their truth and their expertise and I’m realizing I am learning so much. Even though you know I don’t directly have a connection with having a child with a so-called disability. So it’s it’s been a beautiful experience and um, you know I do have a a um expertise of sorts in Geriatric. Um, physical therapy. So um, theoretically I know what’s coming and it’s it’s it’s not pretty potentially. However, that’s another subject I do want to do a ted talk on how we can really um.

18:28.51 podcomm Um.

18:40.23 carole Really prepare for old age much much much much better than than any of us really realize but that’s another topic but it relates to this podcast only in the sense that yeah you know, um, this is life and and it’s just sad that that that. We have to marginalize people. Um that that and that’s the way that are are even as sophisticated as we are as a society we can’t even get it right? that? Well if something is not the right height for um, potentially a majority or at Least. What is average height that that’s a questionable who who decides that and and why should we make the average height. So um, unavailable to so many when we could make it ah more. Ah. Available and then other people might have to actually bend their knees. You know, but at least it’s available to everybody and you know I’m speaking sort of esoterically because I have I You know these stories in my mind that I haven’t even published yet. But yeah I’m very excited about you know, just getting these ideas out and and hope.

19:36.75 podcomm Right? right? yeah.

19:53.15 carole You know people’s minds will be opened a little more. That’s that’s my hope and that people will be helped in their own attitude towards you know what’s possible and and and how to to look at life a little differently.

20:09.58 podcomm Thank you for sharing I think um like there’s a million things in that little maybe nine million four hundred and 32 things Now you said that I’m like oh that needs to be reinforced. Um, but 1 that really jumped out of me was your observation about. And and I I would agree the same experience and I think all podcast creators go through this especially when you’re doing conversation with other people. You don’t really realize how much is going to change you. You’re like oh I’m I’m just going to have conversations or interviews and I’m going to mostly stay out of the way and I’m just going to facilitate and and then like every time you come away from 1 of those, you’re fundamentally changed.

20:33.56 carole This this.

20:42.89 carole This.

20:45.80 podcomm And I think that was something that nobody ever told me about that and I don’t want to say nobody warned me because it’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t need a warning label. But I think your point about how much you were surprised by how much it changed you even though you’re like well I mean I want to share these people’s stories I’m not directly in the same experience as they are I’m not having the same sorts of challenges. Um, but it still changed you and I think that the work that you’re doing sharing those stories obviously is super useful and please keep doing more of it. So as much as I hate to say it I think that’s a great place to stop for today. Carol. So thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to hop into a call with me.

21:20.89 carole Oh well, thank you for inviting me this has been awesome I Hope to talk to you again.

21:29.10 podcomm Definitely. Thanks.